What Women Really Mean

* Yes = No
* No = Yes
* Maybe = No
* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
* We need = I want
* It's your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now
* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk = I need to complain
* Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
* You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever
think about?
* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
* I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and
wallpaper
* Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're
really not going to like
* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find q
good game on TV
* Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
* Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead


What Men Really Mean
* I'm hungry = I'm hungry
* I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
* I'm tired = I'm tired
* Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with
you
* Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with
you
* Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
* May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
* Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
* You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to
fondle you
* What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big
deal out of this
* What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted
psychological trauma are you going through now?
* What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
* I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
* I love you = Let's have sex now
* I love you, too = Okay, I said it, we'd better have sex
now!
* Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I
am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with
me
* Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to
have sex with other guys
* (while shopping) I like that one better = Pick any
freakin' dress and let's go home!
* I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together
= I am gay.